Being Positive vs Being Natural
Posted By on December 22, 2009
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This is something I have been pondering for a while now. As so many times in my life before I am experiencing a bit of a personal crises right now, and this after everything has been going well for me of late. I found the job where I fit in and things were really improving. In fact things had been going too well for me. When things go too well for me I tend to self destruct. I know, it’s a bummer. It’s just conditioning from the past. When your whole life has been mostly miserable it’s kind of hard to accept any good fortune that comes your way. This happens to a lot of people though, not just the ones with miserable pasts.
Many of us are afraid of being truly happy. Because it has been eluding us for so long, we can’t accept it all when it comes along. So we mess it up. This has been very much the case for me, I won’t lie. Whenever the slightest bit of happiness comes my way I tend to find a way to make it all undone. That is just what I did when I recently made a car accident. It was all my fault and now I don’t have transport to my job. Back to square one. I have really been struggling with this of late, asking myself whether I will ever break this pattern of falling back. I was trying to think positively to make it go away, but what I realized is that my positive thinking was just a way of running away from the problem.

Being positive when you really don’t feel like being positive is a self defeating exercise I believe. That is because it is not natural. It is the ego at it’s cunning best. It takes a lot of self reflection to realize this, but it’s very important to do so. Being positive when things are really bad for you won’t take away the problem. Being positive is just another way for the ego to try and control things when it is really powerless to do so. The ego is powerless, the universe is infinitely powerful. After having struggled with this problem for several days in my head, I realized that I was getting in the way of a solution.
Struggle and strain is from the ego, which is fear based. Trust and surrender is from spirit, and it is based in love. I realized that all this plotting and planning is really futile. Now I just trust that the universe in it’s infinite intelligence will bring about a solution, while I wait in expectation. So for me this is an issue of trust. Trust that the universe takes care of me and that it has a plan for me in all of this. I am not alone in this and I take comfort in that. That goes for any situation no matter how big or how small. It’s a good feeling because there is no more fear and resistance. No more negativity or positivity. Just simple trust.

